you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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