hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
