Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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