You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
