dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
