i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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