Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
