my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
