remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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