No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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