Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
