Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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