I cannot find my penis.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
