I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
