so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
