It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just high enough for therapy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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