I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
