Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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