Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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