Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
