I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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