My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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