You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
