I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
