I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
