sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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