Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
