Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
