An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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