that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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