He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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