Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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