thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
