I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
