Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
