I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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