just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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