u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
