Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
