if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
