Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
