Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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