She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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