considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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