i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
