She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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