you would pick up someone in the library
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
