at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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