I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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