I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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